“Beard beef”

Posted: July 30, 2010 by Flashbox in beards
Tags: , ,

Dear readers. We are at a crucial stage in our blogger/reader relationship. We are learning about each others interests and getting a sense of each others personalities and humor.

But now we are at a point where of our flaws start to pop up. This is the stage where our relationship blooms into a wondrous journey that will yield years of fond memories or else die a quick, painless death. So, instead of letting this awkwardness hang above i’m just gonna spit it out and reveal my biggest flaw: I can’t grow a beard.

For those of you who have not dropped your head in disgust and stormed away from this site, I thank you. Those of you who have departed; I understand your reasons for leaving 100%.

Now, don’t get me wrong,I can grow a few patches of facial hair here and there and have actually made some valiant, yet ultimately vein, attempts at growing a beard I could call my own and be proud of. Personally I feel I can grow a pretty mean moustache; only problem being that it is Santa Claus white so it is only visible if a room is lit in a certain way or your standing so close to me that our noses are touching (and you gotta work to earn that privlege, brother!)

However, after weeks and weeks of effort, the end result is always the same; patchy and ginger face pubes. In a word: disgusting.

My brother can grow amazing face fuzz and has quite the magnificent beard at the moment. Eventhough I’m certain he just grows it to make me feel worse about my ‘inadequacy’, I can’t help but admire his craftywork; well played little bro.

I think it is my inability to grow any sort of impressive facial hair that has led me to develop a bit of an obsession with them. Whenever I see a dude rocking any sort of impressive beard, II point it out to friends and comment on its majesty. I usually use thickness,bushiness and length as judging criteria for beards, so the more caveman like they are, the better! I’m not a fan of elaborate beards (the ones that are styled or designed in some way), just the simple ones. The real, lumberjack style if you will!

So today, while browsing one of my favorite sites, Metal Sucks, I was over the moon to see this interview based solely on beards between two beard heavyweights in the metal community;Liam Wilson of The Dillinger Escape Plan and Andy Williams of Every Time I Die. It’s a great read with some hilarious beardtales from both guys. it also introduced me to the term “beard beef”, which is now going to become a staple in my phrase book!

Check out the interviewhere for some facial fuzz folklore!

This interview got me in the mood to check out other great metal beards and while wasting time at work, I came across this pretty comprehensive list of the 21 best beards in metal from Metal Hammer. Check out the list here and let me know your thoughts on it. While I think it’s a good list, I think that the order of a few of them needs to be arranged drastically.

If anyone feels like sharing there best beard lists (be it in metal or any other other of life), please be sure to share it in the comments or drop us an email at tomboftheopinionated@gmail.com

By the way, the pic at the top of the article is of my favorite beard in metal, that of Johan Hegg of Amon Amarth. Well done, Mr. Hegg…its a true beauty!

Here’s a clip of “Twilight of The Thunder God” where you can see the beard in action! Enjoy

  1. […] Metal Movember Posted: November 12, 2010 by Flashbox in beards Tags: Eagles Of Death Metal, Jack Black, James Hetfield, Lemmy, Metallica, Motorhead, Movember, Mustaches, Spinal Tap, Zao 0 I’m sure the majority of you out there are familiar with Movember and hopefully are rocking some awesome lip caterpillars to help raise awareness about Testicular cancer. I myself am doing my darnedest to try and grow a handlebar mustache(much the same as the one James Hetfield used to sport) and while it’s not exactly the most magnificent mustache you’ll ever see, it coming along quite nicely, considering the issues i have with <a href=”” title=”Link to Beard Beef post”>growing facial hair. […]

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