The Alternative Biography of Tomb Of The Opinionated

Posted: September 17, 2010 by Flashbox in beards, Uncategorized, Wrestling

My partner in crime, Big Poppa T felt it necessary to share the story of his and mine friendship and how it led to the foundation of this mediocre blog. It’s better than it sounds, trust me!

So here it is loyal readers, my proper introduction to this blog. I’ve decided to give you the no-holds-barred version of the background to this meeting of minds between myself and Flashbox. I’m officially scorning the sanitised ‘About’ page that was designed to put forward this illusion of a well run and hard hitting blog. In the manner of a ‘Shoot’ interview I shall tell you the history, the behind the scenes tension and the sex, drugs & rock ‘n’ roll that goes on… O.K. I think I’ve sufficiently bigged up this mediocre piece so to keep you reading to the end but I promise you will get revelations into what makes this blog tick and to an extent what makes us tick…And yes there is sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll but it has little to do with the blog and more to do with how we hang out on a Wednesday night.

This whole process started in around 1994-1995 because that’s the year I met Flashbox. We were two kids mixed up in this crazy world. We did what normal 6 or 7 year olds did and explored each others bodies*, watched Pokémon and caused general mischief. Fast forward through the boring years of growing up till you get to the age of around 11 when we discovered rock/metal together. The nu-metal scene was starting to bloom and we jumped in feet first. The first albums we bought and swapped with each other were Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory, Drowning Pool’s Sinner and Limp Bizkit’s Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavoured Water. We quickly graduated to the more dignified fare of Metallica, Slayer, Motorhead, Korn etc.

While maintaining the manly bond of such bands we went on slightly different musical paths. I went deeper into the more acceptable faces of nu-metal with Deftones, Spineshank, Slipknot, System of a Down and Coal Chamber while also going slightly less heavy with Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Nirvana, Rage Against the Machine and the Sex Pistols. Flashbox maintained the metal with Slayer, Exodus and other metal fare which he would be better suited to tell you about. Around the age of 12 I started playing guitar with another friend of mine and we set up a band. Soon after Flashbox can be said to be the first to jump on the teenage bandwagon of our school in picking up a guitar and he subsequently joined our band. As we felt 3 guitarists to be too decadent for a band I decided to man up and switch to bass and thus Flashbox & my first band was formed. We jammed on Raining Blood by Slayer, Adams Song by Blink 182 and Otherside by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Again showing the forward thinking that we had over our peers, we started writing original songs that melded wit and bad poetry with equal measure.

Parallel to this musical development was our interest in wrestling. Like all kids of our age we became engrossed with ‘Attitude’ era W.W.F. [as it was known to us back then]. While I’ll freely admit that Flashbox was way more knowledgeable about the arts of the squared circle, I was in fact the one who introduced him to E.C. Fuckin’ W(Flashbox note: And I thank him everyday for it!).I got a tape from America containing such classics as the Triple Threat between Mickey Whipwreck, Steve Austin & the Sandman and match that changed our view of wrestling forever, the Born to Be Wired match between Sabu & Terry Funk. From then on ‘Attitude’ was but child’s play compared to the diet of Extreme we tried to acquire.

Basically this trend of adolescent behaviour was maintained through secondary school with some alterations. While Flashbox delved even deeper into metal, I went punk rock with a vengeance. Because of this the band we formed [which we imaginatively titled Back to War] had broken up. While Norman went onto join many a thrash band, I formed several punk/indie bands which, against all evidence which should have stopped me, I fronted as bassist/singer. Also because of the self preservation kick that all teenagers have our interests in wrestling was driven underground for fear of mockery by others.

This leads me onto a period of our youth I’m not too proud of which is when we made amateur videos with each other…wait that may sound like we starred in home-made gay porn together and let me state categorically to dispel any false assumptions you have: we bummed each other yes, but never on tape (Flashbox Note: Oh no we didn’t!). The movies I am talking about were the one I primarily wrote and Flashbox took one of the heroic lead parts. As I don’t want to sabotage our anonymity [my family and peers would be less than impressed if they found out any of the seedy things I will admit to on this blog in the future], I can’t put up any of the clips we starred in but rest assured they were hilarious and they rival Citizen Kane in their artistic integrity. We also both starred in a movie that was entered into a film festival but alas, we didn’t win the Palme D’Or.

Now I’ve covered our interests in music and wrestling so I believe it’s time to move onto alcohol and women [I told you there would be sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll]. As me and Flashbox are roughly the same age we both entered the drinking world at the same time. Quickly we became men about town and each others wingmen. Our smallish rural town didn’t know what had hit it when we’d finish up a night out. Now I could regal you with stories of the time we tried to chat up with two very middle aged women [neither of us can remember this but I have it on good authority we tried our luck and who knows if we succeeded] or the time the two of us hooked up with 3 hot young ladies but to be honest if I went in depth into what we got up to we would compromise our anonymity so just take our word for it, we tore shit up. While both of us could put away quite a bit drinking wise [we are Irish after all], I went a bit over board when we both went to college. I dived head long into narcotics, promiscuous sex and an unhealthy obsession with getting in trouble with the authorities [though I have yet to be charged with a crime]. While this had its up-sides in the fact I have a lot of cool stories, I ultimately found out the hollowness that a life solely committed to these pursuits entails. For the past 2 years I have been, for lack of a better term, straight edge. This means that Flashbox shall probably be the one to write the tales of debauchery on this blog while if I do they will be from by gone age.

As my colleague has stated towards the start of his blogging, the epitome of manly-ness is the beard(Flashbox note:My love for facial fuzz can be seen here!). While Flashbox struggles with the growth of a face warmer, I on the other hand have sported some frankly impressive beards and moustaches. It has always been a weird tension in our relationship, the fact that he is jealous of my outward display of male superiority as well as the fact that my penis is such a grander organ than his own…and yes this is the only instance of behind the scenes consternation.

So there it is, the complete history of us and in essence of our blog. To be honest this blog came about after Flashbox established it and asked if I would contribute as I had a background in music media of my own. I hope I burst any illusion that you may have held regarding the glamour of this internet sensation. We are but two twenty-something’s who enjoy music, wrestling and tomfoolery who just want to write about what we love and hopefully get laid by porn princess in the process. Enjoy the chaos because we certainly are.

Big Poppa T

  1. […] The Alternative Biography of Tomb Of The Opinionated […]

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