O.K. here’s the skinny: Big Poppa T [a.k.a. me] has had to change my handle to mudhoney182 [also me] because of the weird wordpress rules. Now that that piece of housekeeping is done it’s time to press ahead with my blog. All week I was trying to think of something interesting that I could write about but I hit a bad patch of writer’s block. The main reason for this writers block was because I have a lot going on in my life like moving into my new apartment, sorting out college stuff, catching up with friends etc. but if I’m completely honest the main distraction has been a girl. Then I realised this is my writer’s block salvation. Most of the people reading this blog are going to be like me: male, relatively young, interested in music, wrestling and “gentleman’s pursuits” but most importantly, for the purpose of this particular blog, they will probably not be the smoothest with the ladies [I will qualify this in a moment]. I also decided I will also dilute the self involved spiel about my woman troubles or women in general by writing also about the angsty music I listen to when my head is addled by female woes. Hopefully by now I haven’t alienated you but my wish is that I write this well enough so that all you guys can relate to the confusion that the enigma the female mind is.
Basically I’ll give you a brief synopsis of my predicament [and don’t worry I’ll explain why I think this is relevant to every guy reading this and try to show this as something other than self absorbed rambling]. I met a chick at a local punk gig about 5 or 6 months ago. She is exceedingly pretty and into the same music, literature, art, movies etc, etc as me. She is tattooed, pierced, smart and funny and basically everything my dream girl is. We exchanged phone numbers and email address’ & chatted pretty intensely for a few weeks, basically things looked good on the romantic front. I asked her out for coffee one night and she accepted so we met up. Now around friends I’m pretty outgoing and outrageous but around strangers I’m as shy as a nun at a gangbang and when you add the extra social pressure of me trying to impress a girl I like, I can be very awkward. As she is shy too the night was a bit of a disaster. Stilted conversation and unfunny jokes followed before we made our excuses to leave. After that she seemed to be distant on the texting/email front so I figured she was freezing me out and so slightly dejectedly, I forged on to forget the whole embarrassing affair. For the rest of the summer I was super busy and maintained some bare contact with her but I had no expectations on anything. August rolled around and out of no where she started texting and emailing me again with renewed vigour. Since then I have moved back into the same city as her but now I am getting very mixed signals from her. She is all friendly and stuff when we are texting and chatting but when I suggest we meet up she is all weird about it. Then when we do meet up she is cold and distant with me. At this juncture I will readily admit that it seems like, to paraphrase that horrible movie, that she’s just not that into me. But the confusing thing is that I get a definite feeling that she is at least some what interested in me romantically. I can’t explain it and unless it’s a stronger self delusion than I have previously experienced, I don’t think I’m fooling myself with wishful thinking. So there are the nuts and bolts of my problem. I believe that most guys reading this can relate. By and large the guys reading this [other than the minority of readers who are either out & out pervs or out & out douche bags that these sites can attract] are quite, unassuming fellas who are slightly intimidated by romance. I’m basing this off the assumption you are like me in at least a basic way. Look metal, wrestling and porn don’t usually attract the guys who are able to feel comfortable faking the social skills necessary to pick up a chick. Most guys in our fields of expertise get their girls [or guys as the case might be] by conversation and a genuine connection with people as opposed to using lines or feigning interest. Other than our own awkwardness inhibiting us, girls don’t make it easier on us either. The games they play, whether they are meant or not, can drive a guy spare. I believe that the hot and cold routine to be the most cruel invention ever. Adding the fact that girl’s moods tend to be fickle and they are hard to read, how does a shy, awkward guy stand a fucking chance of being any sort of cool around pretty and smart girls?
Anyway moving onto the less self indulgent topic of music that I think reflects the whole mess that being a heterosexual male entails. I find it is quite different to break up music in that it tends to be less angry but no less bleak. I guess I’ll pick my top 3 songs as otherwise it would just be a list of maudlin odes to loneliness and fear. So in no particular order:
Exit Music (For A Film) by Radiohead
This song is the musical distillation of desolation and loneliness even when you find the ‘one’. The lyrics basically tell of a guy & girl running away together to kill themselves because they can’t be together. It’s a bitter tale about being forced to destroy everything because of restrictions on a person’s ability to achieve happiness. The music though is the most interesting part as the instrumentation conveys hollowness itself. The way the acoustic guitar is played with almost exclusively down strokes helps establish coldness and distance while the way Thom Yorke sings seems to show the resignation the protagonist has taken. When the song builds slowly with bass, drums and electric guitar we feel like we have witnessed the culmination of this terrifyingly bleak act. The crescendo sees the release of this bitter hatred to society at large and all the pain loving someone you can’t be with holds. Finally Thom Yorke’s brittle chanting of ‘We hope that you choke, that you choke’ encapsulates everything that makes this song brilliant to me: he sounds wounded and even though these words should be loaded with hate ultimately they just hold memories of broken love.
Nobody Loves You by Reuben
For the uninitiated Reuben are a three piece alternative rock band from England. My interpretation of this song is that it’s about telling some one how great they are and how much you love them while putting your longing for them aside. As this isn’t a critical analyse of the plot, I won’t need to back this up with quotes but I feel like it is basically a song about unrequited love behind the obviousness that is the consolation of this person. The music expresses this so succinctly, more than the lyrics could ever hope to. It starts out with a desolate strumming of a guitar which seems to whisper the hopes of the narrator while he does his best to help the subject through their misery. The string section that is gracefully begins in the chorus bring some brevity to the song while not dismissing the longing for love to be requited.
Crash Land by Twin Atlantic
O.K. this is an obscure song by a pretty obscure band who are thankfully getting exposure now. It’s an acoustic song debuted on a radio show before they released their first E.P. and it’s one of my favourite songs ever. The earnestness and honesty that Sam McTrusty spills out on this track is beautiful. It should have been the theme tune to Lost as it’s about a guy who is stranded on a desert island after his plane crashes and how he longs to be with the girl he left behind. It contains one of my favourite lines ever in ‘Nothing gets better than memories/ when all you have are memories for friends.’ While the acoustic guitar and brush played snare are beautiful in themselves the star of this song is Sam’s voice. Its keening, Scottish lilt is unique and rise & falls with hope and lament. Really is something that everyone should be forced to listen to.
Now that I have probably alienated a good chunk of our readership with my emo-esque laments on unrequited love, I hope you worms appreciate the vulnerability it takes to bare your soul to the scorn of /b/tards and general scum of the internet. Now as I go away to sit in my dank room and weep, if you have something to say please do whether it’s good, bad or indifferent. Please let me know I’m not alone or that I’m a fag. Toodles
P.S. I just re-read it in the editing process and I relise the language is super flowery but I am a student of English and thats just how we roll