So last week i got a text from my big, bearded brother, asking me if i wanted to join him for a spot of speed dating down in the college bar. With the temperature outside falling below zero and the Sylvester Stallone classic “Demolition Man” coming up on the tele, I politely turned down his offer.
Skip to the next weekend and me and my brother are taking a bus up to the magnificent metropolis that is Cork City and I ask him how his speed dating antics went. He says it was ok, but nothing spectacular. Now, I must warn you that trying to get conversation from my brother is like getting blood from a stone. So, I pressure him to divulge some more details.
Me: Any good ones?
Him: Yup.
Me: Any bad ones?
Him: Plenty.
Me: Well, what di you say to them?
Him: Well…
My brother goes on to explain that when talking to girls he would like to fornicate with, he spoke normally and told them all about himself. He then told me that when talking to those he didn’t find as desirable, he decided to make up stories and fake characters to be. Curious, I asked for one of his characters. So he says:
“Well, I sat down at the table and the girl asked me my name. So, instantly I go, “I’m Jeffery. Jeffery Dahmer.”
I nearly peed my pants when I heard that little nugget! Jeffery feckin Dahmer! I was going to comment but we both started laughing and he continues, ” She just nodded, clearly not noticing the name or just not aware of the story of a certain Mr. Dahmer. She asked me what I do in college and I said, medicine. She then asked me does that involve cutting up bodies. I then spent the rest of our 5 minutes discussing cutting up corpses!”
I was in stitches!This was fecking hilarious!I couldn’t stop laughing for ages and neither could he. Fair deuce to him for thinking so quickly on the spot and coming up with that diamond of a story for me to share!
And talking about Jeffrey Dahmer is the perfect excuse to listen to the Slayer classic, another song that deserves more credit, 213!
Tomb Of The Opinionated 